Example One:
This is a bar chart of the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods. In 1970, Most of men were studying part-time but from 1980, studying part-time was decreased and studying full-time was increased and in 1990, it was twice as many students as in 970.
On the other hand, Women studying Full-time were increased and not only Full-time, part-time also were increased. In 1990, studying full time was three times as many students as in 1970.
If compare Men and Women, as you see, in 1970, Men were studying more than women full-time, or part-time, but it changed from 1980 and then in 1990. Women were studying part-time more than Men and studying full-time was same number.
It shows you Women has a high education now.
Word Count:133
Score: 5.0
Comments:
Task Achievement: 133 words is just enough, but it should be longer. There is a good attempt to describe the overall trends but it would be a lot better if some numbers from the graph had been given. By not using the numbers, the reader doesn’t have important information. It is too vague.
Coherence & Cohesion: Cohesive devices are hardly used, and while there is some progression, it is quite repetitive.
Lexical Resources: The vocabulary is fine, but some of the word forms are wrong, which makes it hard to follow.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: There are some punctuation errors that cause confusion (see the second sentence of the essay, it is very hard to follow). The structures are fairly simple and when complex sentences are attempted they are not correct.
Example Two
According to the graph, the number of men and women in further education in Britain shows the following pattern.
In the case of male, the number of males has declined slightly from about 1000 thousands in 1970/71 to about 850 thousands in 1990/91. However, this figure rose back to about 850 thousands in 1990/91 from about 820 thousands in 1980/81. The proportion of full time has declined during this period. However, the proportion of part-time education has increased dramatically.
On the other hand, in the case of female, the number of both full time education and part time education has increased during the period.
From about 700 thousand in 1970/71, these figures rose to about 820 thousands in 1980/81, to about 1100 thousands in 1990/91.
In terms of full time education, the figure rose by about 260 to about 900 in 1990/91
On the other hand, with respect to part-time education, this figure rose dramatically between 1980/81 and 1970/71. However the figure rose slightly between 1980/81 and 1990/91.
Word Count: 168
Score: 6.0
Comments:
Task Achievement: A good attempt to describe the graphs by looking at the main trends and the details. Some information missing and there are minor mistakes with the information used.
Coherence & Cohesion: It flows quite smoothly although connectives are overused or inappropriate, and some of the points do not link up well.
Lexical Resources: There are some expressions, which have problems, and not always the best choice of words. (On the other hand)
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: The accuracy is quite good, but the complexity and variation in the sentences are limited.
IELTS Triumph
~ Every little helps ~
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/IELTSTriumph
Twitter: https://twitter.com/IeltsTriumph
Email: ieltstriumph.english@gmail.com
Email: ieltstriumph.english@gmail.com
Instagram: @ieltstriumph
No comments:
Post a Comment